The Human Affliction

Human beings. We have been roaming this earth for quite a long time now, arguably evolving and changing as our environment requires in order to adapt and survive. You would think, if you believe in evolution, that human beings would be far and away more intelligent today than they were thousands of years ago. Maybe some human beings are. There are inarguably still individuals in this world who have reached higher planes of existence, which we lesser-thans get to enjoy through their discoveries and inventions (including art). And then, there are the human beings that literally defy all logic.

And these human contribute to the 67% of actual logic behind my introversion.

People are idiots. They are inconsiderate, illogical, irresponsible, careless, selfish, rude, ridiculous, and aggravating. You’re going to have to bear with me as I rant about the human condition, and how so many have slipped through the cracks of Darwinism to live on and, quite frankly, get in everyone’s way. Constantly. Don’t worry, I’m only going to scrap the surface. I won’t even get into welfare or anything of that nature, because this is a small picture right now. This is me, being aggravated.

Today, I decided to treat myself to a theatre-going experience. I chose this theatre nearby which has reclining seats, assigned seating, and those ace Coke machines which have a multitude of flavors. I went to the theatre over an hour before the show time and used a kiosk (the less human interaction, the better) and chose my seat–a seat on the end of a row, right in the back. I then went back out to my car, drove next door, and wandered around a store. 

Let me digress here and explain something about myself, because I think it is important. While it is abundantly clear that I only grow more and more able to tolerate human interaction, I am extremely polite when it is socially required to interact. If I nearly run into someone in an aisle, I apologize sincerely. If someone smiles at me, I smile back. If a stranger thinks (for whatever unknown reason) that they should make a comment to me at random, I pretend that I give a crap about whatever it is they’ve said. I even smile if they make a ‘joke’. I let people go in front of me at store check-outs if they have only one item, and I generally make every conscious endeavor to be a considerate human being, in spite of my own preconceived disposition to be quiet and alone.

I was being quiet and alone when I found my seat twenty minutes prior to the show time. I even put in my ear phones and was listening to music. I even smiled and told a girl it was alright when she wasn’t paying attention and walked right into my legs. I laughed when a lady across the aisle commented to me about the chair making a funny noise. Man, I was on my A-game. I was all geared up for The Fault in Our Stars, adapted from a book I read a long time ago, by an author that I admire. I even brought tissues because, man, I was really hoping to get in a good cry. That was part of why I wanted to go to it alone. 

The previews have begun and the seats beside me are still vacant. Good. Maybe they aren’t taken. I know this is probably not true because the kiosk showed them as taken when I got my ticket, but you never know. Then, just as the lights were going down (after twenty minutes of previews…), two women arrive. With a baby in a carseat. And they sit next to me.

Honestly, I don’t think I need to even continue writing, because this scenario completely exhibits, without words, all the things I need you to see. 

I considered hitting ‘publish’, but then I reconsidered. If you have a baby, or even a young child, and you bring them to movies which are not explicitly made for children and rated G, then you are among the human beings I spoke of in the beginning of this entry. You are inconsiderate. You for some reason believe that all the people who paid for their ticket don’t have a right to enjoy a film without having to listen to your loud, crying child for the duration. Look, we get it. You want to see a movie, too. You can’t control that a child cries and doesn’t yet understand the times when it is inappropriate to speak at full volume. But that is exactly the reason why you should know better than to bring them into a film not made for them. If you, for whatever (probably dumb) reason really need them to watch that particular movie, wait until it comes out on DVD. You rented a chair, not the entire theatre, and your noise pollution is the height of inconsideration when I and everyone else in here have paid money to watch a movie in a big, dark, quiet theatre. 

If you are human (I say this because I know I have a large cat following and if you are a cat, please feel free to stop reading here), please remember that you aren’t the only human. Believe it or not, there are actually other humans in the world outside of yourself and whoever you already consider human. If you wouldn’t appreciate someone crying loudly through a movie, don’t bring a baby to a theatre. Let it seep into every part of your life. Stop being a selfish, self-centered mongaloid caveman that failed to evolve into an intelligent being. You outnumber the decent people and make them want to commit suicide just for knowing you. Or having the misfortunate of being near you. You are that unbearable in your inconsideration. Think about that. 

Thank you.


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