The Rambler

I have been having a lot of trouble with my eyes lately. It started on Tuesday night, when I acquired a pretty sizable blind spot where I couldn’t see what I was typing or read anything. It wasn’t a black spot, it was just… empty. We called it an ocular migraine and I went to bed. My head continued to hurt Wednesday until I actually had to leave work because I was getting sick. Now, the headache has passed but I am finding that I can’t focus my eyes on anything. There isn’t a blind spot, but I really am struggling to read. I’ve taken a hiatus from the computer (except at work, which is where I am now) and have started reading instead. My comprehension seems dulled, too. I’m reading a children’s book and I keep having to reread entire paragraphs because either my mind is wandering, I can’t focus on the words, or I flat out didn’t understand.

Real talk: I am starting to get really anxious about this. There is literally nothing I can do that doesn’t involve my eyes. I’ve never been a auditory person. I don’t really listen to music or anything, I don’t ever have the television on for “background noise”, I find sounds kind of obnoxious. Everything I do–read, write, explore–requires my vision. Without the ability to do the things that have come to define me, who would I even be?

This is completely unrelated, but I’m pretty annoyed with Bath & Body Works for their constant sales. They have a “buy 3, get 3” sale literally every time I think of them, and a “buy 2 candles for $22” every other week. Otherwise, their products are ridiculously priced. I really think that the real price is literally half of what the charge and they have the sales so you think you’re getting a deal AND then buy $300 worth of crap you don’t need or even really want. I currently have about 582 products from them and use exactly one of them. Scratch that, I use two of them. Highway robbery, or clever marketing. Both.

My niece turned one on April Fool’s Day and her birthday party is Saturday. My sister has contracted my other sister to make this massive three tiered cake covered 100% in sprinkles. She keeps saying things like “Rosie will be so sad if you don’t” or stuff like that. Rosie can’t even walk or talk. I really don’t think she gives a single poo about this party. This party is for you, not her. I hate when people deflect their own desires onto kids that can’t speak up. Like, I don’t begrudge her for having a certain idea for Rosie’s party but there’s nothing wrong with her saying “I really, really want this cake.”

Six hours have passed since I started writing this. Maybe closer to seven. I’m tired of arguing with people about why I choose to buy actual books instead of using eReaders. I don’t nag you about using eReaders. What does it matter to you if I collect books? It literally has nothing to do with you. I wish people stopped thinking that they need to be constantly expressing their opinions. Everyone has a right to an opinion, but that doesn’t mean you should share it obnoxiously when it has nothing to even do with you.

Also, someone literally said to me today: well, just stop worrying about things. This is in response to my saying that I have anxiety. Wow, thank you. Why did I never try that?! This person is a hero! They just single-handedly–nay! single-sentencely!–cured anxiety. Maybe even mental illness!

Uninformed and insensitive comments about mental illness are my single most hated thing. Full stop.


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