Maeby Today

Look, we all have complaints. Some of them are legitimate, but most of them are pretty petty and asinine. No one benefits from complaining. Not you, not anyone who hears you, not anyone or anything you are complaining about. But can we just all agree that complaining about menial things is kind of theraputic? I mean, going on a rant about something ridiculous that is actually annoying can be pretty hilarious for all involved, if people keep a good sense of humor about them. So, that being said, take this blog with a grain of salt. I’m just going to rant for a while.

First of all, glasses. I have needed prescription glasses since the fifth grade. I was told that they were corrective, and that I wouldn’t have to wear them forever. Unfortunately, lenses are only corrective when you actually, you know, wear them. But glasses were geeky back then, so I would wear them to school and, once my dad was gone, I would hide them in my locker. Needless to say, those lenses didn’t correct anything. I spent the next several years opting to squint at things rather than look like a geek in frames. Which is really pretty ironic, because I was already a geek and I should have just owned it like a boss. But, again, geekery didn’t become ‘cool’ until more recently.

What’s worse than bad vision? Bad vision with hyper-sensitive eyes. I could never wear contacts because even writing this sentence is making my eyes water. I can’t think about something touching my eyeball, let alone actually touching my eyeball. Disgusting. It’s unnatural. I mean, good job if you wear contacts and no hard feelings, but I cannot. So, for about seventeen years (?? I can’t math), I have had to wear prescription glasses. It has been literally the worst. You can’t even properly hug someone when you wear glasses, because they smush all into your face!

What’s my point? Here it comes, so hold on. Today I was ordering some new glasses off the interwebs (and if you don’t do this, you’re being robbed) and one of the categories was ‘fashion glasses’. FASHION GLASSES. So, finally, wearing glasses has become ‘cool’. I can finally wear glasses without feeling like a cyborg, but now all the privileged perfectly capable of seeing people are buying FAKE GLASSES to be like me. Get out of here! I did my time! I earned this! I can’t have two minutes of being naturally awesome without some twerps FAKING being like me?

I mean, it’s the old argument with me. I had the same moment of fit-throwing when all the pretty actresses began dying their hair red. Centuries of people saying that gingers have no souls and calling them ugly and they finally become a hot commodity, and what happens? A bunch of blonds and brunettes run to the nearest salon to, yep, FAKE IT. I want to punch things.

Or the original complaint: boobs. Back in the day, a chubby girl had the advantage of boobs, am I right? Not anymore. Now skinny girls just go get fake ones. I’m going to stop on this subject now because I’m giving myself a migraine. Because it doesn’t actually matter what anyone else chooses to do and, for the most part, I don’t even think about this stuff. But it just so happens that I was filing something and thinking about how sweet the deal was I had just got on my new glasses and then “FASHION GLASSES” popped into my head and BAM! White hot rage.

I’m over it now.

See what I mean? I got on here and wrote you this completely pointless little diatribe only to come to the conclusion that I don’t even care anymore. But wasn’t that theraputic? Thanks, guys. You’re a really great listener.

(If you do wear glasses, you should check out http://www.39dollarglasses.com and enter coupon code CM20 for 20% or $20 off, whichever is more. Thank.)