Oh.

You’re right. I owe you an explanation. Last you heard, I was brimming with excitement for a new start at life and made promises to keep you updated, to continue with my YouTube vlog. Then nothing. Nothing for almost a full month.

I flew to Spain. I was stood up at the airport. He didn’t show up. I haven’t heard from him. The last thing he said to me, via text, was that he loved me and he would see me tomorrow (I was in Russia for a layover). My parents had to fly me back. It was a solid week in airports in Malaga, Barcelona, Moscow and airplanes in between. It was a nightmare. 

It isn’t over. I’ve quit my job and moved into my parents’ basement because I am in such a deep depression that I honestly can’t function. I’ve done research on rehabilitation centers, therapists, doctors. The problem is that I have no health insurance and can’t bear to ask my parents to waste more money on someone who has been NOTHING but a disappointment to them my whole life.

I just feel dead on the inside. As an introvert, I’m not really one to reach out for help. I do alright when I’m around people but I have to sneak off to cry at times even then. I have no goals, no ambitions… I don’t feel like trying anymore. I don’t have any faith or hope in humanity anymore. I don’t trust anyone. 

How can I even get better when I don’t… care to try anymore? There’s actually no point in anything in life. You live to die. The end. Why bother.

So, that’s where I’ve been. I’m sorry. 

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