Definitely Today

Sleeplessness is something I’ve been battling a lot over the past few months. After being laid of on April 24, I expected to slide into a new job relatively soon thereafter. I immediately, that very day, began plugging away at positions. I revamped the resume and went to task, because who can afford to be out of work for any given period of time? Not this girl, who is already deep into debt with a scandalously low credit score.

I applied for Unemployment benefits for the first time in my life, which I was pretty unhappy about. The Unemployment office never sent me any indication of whether I was eligible or how much I would be receiving for how long. They just started throwing money in my account and I figured it out from there. I applied for jobs throughout the week, then filed the weekly claim each Sunday.

Turns out, my last payment was August 1. Though it wasn’t anything substantial, that 270 dollars per week was floating me enough to get out the necessary payments. My roommate and landlord was giving me a free ride and therefore I was… scraping by. Now, though? ugh.

I interviewed three times for a potential position. Three interviews. For the same position. The position? A receptionist making 30g/annually. I thought three interviews was a bit thorough for such a low pay grade (by VA standards), so I was pretty pleased to get that third meeting. The interview went very well. The interviewer stated they were impressed with both my experience and presentation. Then I get the EMAIL. “You were not selected for further consideration.”

Add to this the stress of Hank still not receiving pay from employer. Today is the day, though, that the pay was promised. I’m on pins and needles, waiting to hear if this is going to really happen or if it’s going to be just one more disappointment in the waiting game of my life. I can’t sleep. I used to be able to take two sleeping pills and eventually drift off for at least a few hours. Now I take two, wait a few hours without result, take two more, and so on until there’s no point in trying anymore. 

Worst case scenario, if Hank fails to arrive, I drive to Michigan and stay with my best friend until a job can be obtained. I use the small savings I’ve managed to continue paying off debt and avoid further judgements against my credit. 

Best case scenario, however, is that today is the day that I can finally be truly happy and stop feeling lost. I need today to be that day. God help me, but I don’t think I can deal with another heart break; another let down. Today HAS to be the day. Not maybe today. No. That won’t do right now. It has to be definitely, without a shadow of a doubt, absolutely, most certainly today.


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